My Dear Sister in Christ,

I admit it. At different points in my life I have been known as something of a “Chatty Cathy.” (For the younger generation, let me say that was a doll with a string that you could pull, and she just kept talking.) Not only do I have a tendency to vocalize my thoughts, my volume level is not always in keeping with the ideal of a “meek and quiet spirit”. I could blame my genetics or my enthusiasm, but the responsibility really is all mine. What I want most is to avoid impersonating a peacock. Those birds are so very beautiful and stately in looks and actions, but as soon as they open their mouths to call they make a sound that is best described as something between a strangled cat and a howler monkey. It is a moment to acknowledge that God does, indeed, have a sense of humor.

What is not so funny is when I allow myself to use my tongue in an uncontrolled manner. We know the admonitions of James 3:1-12 and 1 Peter 1:10 to be cautious in what we say. My problem is not that I do not know how hurtful words can be or the importance of building others up. I have experienced too many moments as the recipient of careless words to forget that. My struggle is to use my better judgment to consider what I am thinking first so that I will not say the things I will be embarrassed for latter. Matthew 12:34 tells us that we speak from what is in our hearts. We need to focus not just on not saying the wrong thing, but Jesus seems to be saying it is better to learn not to think the wrong way. If your heart is pure then only good things will come out of your mouth.

Beyond the quality of our conversations, though, I do believe we need to consider the quantity of our words. There will be a great deal of personal tendency toward or against how talkative you are, but the bottom line is that the more you speak, the more likely you are to say something you should not. Caution in content goes along with how much is said. Most of us can think faster than we can speak, so slowing down our speech should give us even more time to consider what we say. If you find you are the one carrying the conversation you may be making it all about you. Genuine concern for others means you not only ask about them, but you listen to their answer. Convictions vary on the subject of women speaking in Bible classes, but one thing is for sure: The more you talk, the more likely you are to be monopolizing the situation. Let us be careful not to abuse or take over the gracious attention of others.

Other times I believe we may be tempted to talk in excess because we simply do not know what to say. It is backwards, really. Speech should be intentional, not just an emotional venting. When others are mourning or distressed the worst thing we can do it fill the empty space with empty words. Silence is not always a bad thing. We may perceive it as an awkward silence, but silly chatter can be more so. In crisis moments the presence of a caring friend is far more meaningful than anything you say. Job’s friends did their kindest work in the first week they were with him. (Job 2:13)

This does not mean it is always better to be speechless. Proverbs 25:11 compares appropriately spoken words to gold and silver. Ezekiel 3 and 33 go to great lengths to explain that we absolutely must warn others when we know something they need to know. Silence in order to spare someone’s feelings comes from a misplaced sense of compassion. All you are really doing is delaying the inevitable accountability they will face. If, instead, you kindly communicate the love in your heart by sharing what God has said we all need to know to save our souls, then you have used your tongue for the greatest good possible.

Your loving friend,

Laurie Moyer

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 10:19