Dear One,

It is difficult to see the title “Respect” on anything without at least mentally breaking into Aretha Franklin’s song by that name. It was the battle cry for a liberation movement because the injustice of disrespect produces such strong emotions in us. Unfortunately, we find it easy to demand others respect us and more difficult to show respect for others.

As a mother you have the opportunity to instill in your young ones a respect that goes beyond simple obedience to the important people in their lives. Even before we address specific instructions to our children on the topic, they learn from how we react and talk about others if our own respect is genuine. This has to start with God. You excel in this area. You are happy to come and worship and it shows. You choose to say, “We get to,” instead of “We have to,” when teaching your babies. It may sound old fashioned, but when you teach your children to be careful with their Bibles it is an extension of respect for what that book contains.

Respect the leaders of the congregation with which you worship. They have been appointed to fill a difficult and delicate job. Do not speak disparagingly about their actions. They will probably admit to being imperfect people, but the position they occupy was designed by God and that is what you are to respect. They lead in applying God’s Word and have discretion in areas of judgment. Do not be overly critical of them because their judgment may not be the same as your own. Submit willingly so they can lead with joy (Heb 13:17). Children are listening. Similar thoughts will apply to preachers and song leaders. Charity for the short-comings of others shows love and respect.

Have you ever noticed that in Ephesians 5 that the summary verse at the end of the chapter tells husbands to remember to love their wives and wives to remember to respect their husbands? Those are the two complimentary instructions in marriage. The love of a husband motivates him to be selfless as Christ was. The respect of a wife motivates her to honor and that leads naturally to submission. To submit because you technically have to, even though you do not respect him, is a formula for resentment and disaster. The children in your life will see through a superficial obedience. To honor your husband is first because of his position. Do not make him try to earn your respect. Give it freely because he occupies a place of leadership given to him by God. You are his helper—his loving assistant who wants to see this company succeed, not be involved in a subversive or otherwise hostile take-over. If the instructions of 1 Peter 3 tell all wives—even those who are married to unbelievers—to show respectful behavior, then it does not hinge on whether or not his every action is God-like. Speak to your children about things you can all do to please their father, rather than with criticism. That will teach his children respect.

While children are told to respect their parents, parents must also respect their children. The respect of a child is shown in obedience. The respect of a parent is shown in consideration. Get to know your children as individuals. Siblings are similar, but recognition of and consideration for their differences tells a child that you see them as a person, not just a job. It shows the value you place on them. Listen to their concerns. They may be small ones, but if they matter to them you validate the worth of the child to consider them. Children need to learn to wait while their parents are speaking with other adults, rather than interrupt, but parents need to notice the child attempting to get their attention. You should acknowledge their presence and indicate, probably by hand gesture, that they should wait. (I found looking them in the eye and holding up an index finger worked well.) But then sooner, rather than later, break away from the conversation yourself to find out what they need. It may not always be frivolous. Show them the respect of caring what they have to say. Children need to look adults in the eye when they are being spoken to. You should do the same. Common curtesy works both ways.

Finally, when your children approach the age that they begin to talk about a desire to be baptized pay them the respect of taking them seriously. If they are old enough to ask the questions it is an indication they have some maturity. It may not be fully developed, but it never will be if you dismiss their feelings and teach them to ignore their conscience. Proceed with caution. And prayer. And respect.

Laurie Moyer

“Pay to all what is owed to them … to whom respect is due, honor to whom honor is owed.” Romans 13:7